Sacked in the morning
The world is just a big revolving door at the JobCentre right now. But our Parky is plodding on by with a jaunty whistle…
Oh ye of little faith
Ah, do you hear it? What a blissful noise that is: The reassuring purr of the well-oiled Big Red Machine.
As long as this hearty growl is within earshot, we’ll believe we can complete our long, winding pilgrimage to the Land of League One.
The road is clear and we’re all happy travellers right now. And who’d have thought everything would be running so smoothly, so soon?
Just a few weeks ago, we were being laughed out of Stockport by 8,000 top-hatted bystanders as Parky’s vehicle coughed, spluttered and collapsed - eventually having to be towed back to North Wales with smoke billowing from its exhaust.
It didn’t look good. A few pseudo-mechanics who insisted they “knew a thing or two” about cars said some costly repairs might be required to fix this mess. But as it turned out, all we needed was a little elbow grease.
Once the Red Machine was back on home turf, Parky rolled up his sleeves, dabbed his forehead with a handkerchief, fiddled with something underneath the hood, and there was an audible click.
We’ve been roaring majestically ever since. A 2-0 victory over Gillingham on Saturday - which saw us shoot into top gear from minute one - means it’s 11 unbeaten for Wrexham since our motor clonked out on that miserable autumn afternoon in Greater Manchester.
Sometimes all you need is a little tweak and a bit of patience. But cool heads are in alarmingly short supply these days. Just look at what’s going on outside your window.
Everyone, everywhere across the country appears to be flailing and scrambling to make wholesale changes as emphatically and quickly as they can - with “Code Red!” being bellowed across boardrooms as big wigs swing their axes.
Jobs are going left, right and centre. PWC is kicking out 600 members of staff. Reach PLC has made 320 journalists redundant. And it’s not like either of these large organisations can look up to a national government for any kind of inspiration on stability, as the cabinet reshuffles its personnel to appoint a new Home Secretary for the fourth time in a little over a year.
Football chairmen and fans would get flappy sitting in a deck chair with a glass of Pimm’s in the Garden of Eden, so it’s no surprise to see our beloved sport become a willing participant in this modish trend of employee cullings. In League Two alone, Bradford, Colchester and Grimsby have all parted company with their managers in the past month or so - and Notts County fans are also thrashing around like magpies in front of a mirror as their gaffer Luke Williams - who is a bit like a knock-off Pep Guardiola you can buy down the market - is rumoured to be jumping ship to Oxford United.
It’s chaos out there. And dishing out the P45s isn’t even the hard part, either. After you bring down the guillotine, you need to find someone to come in and clear up the mess. It doesn’t seem like many of these sack-happy head honchos have a good plan on how to do that.
Reach PLC is replacing its reporters with Twitch streamers. The government’s new man put in charge of finding mates abroad is someone with no friends left at home. And Birmingham City were apparently so focused on developing a “no fear” brand of football, they sacked their decent manager and hired the scariest-looking bloke they think of: Wayne Rooney.
The world is resembling a big revolving door at The JobCentre, being whirled around in ceaseless motion by a disparate stampede of unlucky forlorn faces, willing resignees, and rats scuttling away from sinking ships in equal measure.
Meanwhile, outside the window on the high street, Parky is just plodding on by, briefcase swinging in hand, whistling the tune to Declan Swans’ Always Sunny in Wrexham. He’s as cool as a cucumber.
It’s at times like this we should remember that common sense can prevail. Parky has been given enough time to straighten the wheel whenever the road has gotten a little bumpy - and it’s paid dividends. If it hadn’t been for the Welcome to Wrexham episode titled ‘Sack the Gaffer’, it would be difficult to picture the days (not long ago) when fans were calling for his head.
Sometimes, you don’t need to trade in your trusty motor for a new one just because everyone else is doing it. The best course of action might just be a little tinker below the bonnet. And it’s worth reminding ourselves of that whenever things start to sputter: Parky is a safe pair of hands.
Right now, though, it’s full speed ahead - with the Wham Stadium on Livingstone Road being punched into the Sat Nav for Saturday.
More than 2,500 Red passengers are coming along on the ride to Accrington Stanley, and the football club made famous by 1980s milk adverts is set to make a tidy sum on the gate with what could be their biggest crowd of the season.
Just remember not to buy any of their pies when you’re there - you already paid an extra fiver for this one simply because you’re a Wrexham fan. Instead, pack some butties for the drive, plug in your Red podcasts, and listen to that engine purr.
On we go…
Another good one, worryingly I recognise your references, I particularly liked "The government’s new man put in charge of finding mates abroad is someone with no friends left at home."