‘Uncomfortable, uneventful, and uninteresting’
I heard the perfect summary of the average “football away day” at Edgeley Park on Saturday.
It happened in the lulls - at some point after the caveman County fan had finished squawking at us over the advertising boards, and before the Wrexham supporter had started banging his fist against his forehead in the direction of the home end - slowly mouthing “KNOB-HEADS” with the same slow, patronising enunciation you see from Englishmen when they order at restaurants in France.
It was at this point in the game that a languid army of plod dragged their boots onto the steps of the away terrace - observing Reds and Blues exchanging hand-illustrated profanity - and one police officer was asked if she enjoyed the day shifts at football games.
“Every match is always the same, always has been,” she rolled her eyes.
“They get together with their mates and scream and shout for a couple of hours, and then they all fall asleep on the train home.”
Football might have evolved from an extracurricular activity played in mudbaths by hungover butterballs into the game of millionaires starring athletic freaks of nature, but some things never change. Blind loyalty and the chance to spend a few hours in the company of other fools who follow their club far and wide are still the key ingredients. Whatever the outcome.
And we all had a good idea of what the outcome of Stockport vs Wrexham would be. Recent history has taught us never to expect a win at Edgeley Park. As much as its neighbouring city of Manchester likes to scream about “doing things differently here!” - like an over-caffeinated client services manager welcoming potential investors to an office block - Stockport is actually a pretty predictable place. Every visit is identical: Short journey, big hype, great pies, wretched football, abuse upon exit.
The Stockport-Wrexham bouts have, on occasion, resembled two boxers in their prime. But now people try to turn every game into a grudge match for the ages. Last week, Wrexham’s social media admin - a little embarrassingly - called County “local rivals”, whilst Stockport’s - even more embarrassingly - updated the club’s profile description to “W against Wrexham 😍”.
It all smacked of trying far too hard. There’s been a crackle of anticipation before now - especially in our title-fighting year - but this time, the spark just wasn’t there. This latest match-up felt more like Tyson v Paul than Ali vs Frazier - with the competitor in the red corner barely landing any blows against a more energetic opponent throughout a tepid encounter.
One journalist wrote of the Old Man vs YouTuber boxing travesty: “It was uncomfortable, uneventful and uninteresting, but should we be surprised?”. They could just as easily have been talking about Stockport v Wrexham.
Reds in the away end struggled to find the enthusiasm to back the stale performance they were watching on the field, and County fans didn’t seem hugely up for the occasion either - save for being cattle-prodded into life when Louie Barry banged in the winner or James McClean touched the ball. They begged to differ, gushing over the noise on their side of the ground, but I guess we must have tuned it out.
It seems spoiled to act aggrieved - especially given how far we’ve come - but it’s true that watching the Reds in recent weeks has been uncharacteristically “meh”. None of the mental footage captured from watching Harrogate, Port Vale or Stockport will survive for long in our football-cluttered minds, and even clips from the 1-0 victory over Mansfield are already fading fast.
It’s always tougher when the talismen aren’t on form, of course. Mulls obliged a Tech End beckoning him to conduct his trio of full-time fist-pumps after beating The Stags, but it wasn’t his most committed performance. His big miss - having attempted to scissor kick his way out of a goal drought instead of passing it around a substitute keeper - was probably still playing on his mind. The guy is desperate to find the net, and the formerly deadly duo of Pele and Palmer have only produced three league goals between them in 1,500 minutes of football. Parky tried sticking Bodvarsson up top instead against Stockport to mix things up, and that was even less effective. Meanwhile, Sam Dalby - the man regarded as the weakest link in our forward line - is currently banging them in for fun on the River Tay.
Course, this didn’t matter when goals were coming from elsewhere. Nobody cared. But now other players are struggling to pitch in, more pressure is being heaped onto the forward line - who all look a little bereft of confidence. A run of home games could be the remedy for that - although Exeter, Lincoln and Barnsley are all pretty bloody good. Where are Shrewsbury when you need them?
Back to Y Cae Ras now. Three big chances to bounce back and land three big punches. We’ll find our feet again soon enough.
And so will the Red Army. Before we all fall asleep on the train home.
COYR.