It's not Dover until the Coedy Assassin pings
Twirling shirts, squealing commentators and Palmer's pants all come out following a ridiculous 6-5 comeback win.
Wild predictions
As Pele Mullin carried the ball to the 12-yard spot on Tuesday 22 March, one member of the crowd was more nervous than most.
This particular Red had put a hefty chunk of money down on the Wrexham number 10 to score first against FC Halifax Town, and when the referee pointed to the spot for a penalty kick in the sixth minute, the overexcited gambler began shoving the digital bet slip on his phone screen in front of anyone who would pay attention.
“I’ve got hundreds on Mullin first goalscorer! He’ll take this won’t he? He’ll score won’t he? Definitely, yeah!”
After asking and answering his own questions, Mr Gambler returned his gaze to the pitch, watched the ball thump into the net, and celebrated like we’d scored two goals in one.
To be fair, this was the kind of strike that merited a lion-like roar, wager or not. It was 3rd vs 4th in front of a sellout crowd and the BT Sports cameras. It was a big night. So big, in fact, that Halifax manager Pete Wild had attempted to take the pressure off his team before kick-off by reminding them that Wrexham were effectively two leagues better.
After Wrexham’s last-gasp win at The Shay in November, Wild had used our star-studded player roster as a stick to beat us with, bitterly claiming that our victory was undeserved. He was calling us a “League One” club again in March, only this time he framed it as a compliment.
“It is a big match, but we're basically going to a League One football club, a club that behaves like a League One football club, a manager that's a League One manager, and a team that's full of League One players,” Wild said ahead of the clash.
“We're going to try and give the best account of ourselves as we can, [and] try and upset the apple cart a bit in terms of how we play. But it's a real challenge to go there and see if we can live with what is a League One football club.”
It was a smart strategy. If Halifax won, they could revel in what they could claim to be a world-beating scalp. If they lost, well, no shame in that.
Pele’s penalty put Wrexham in the driver’s seat from the start, before The Billionaire Bulldozer Ollie Palmer and the on-fire JJ wrapped things up. It was the comfortable win for Wrexham that Wild had suggested - but didn’t really believe - was inevitable.
As for Mr Gambler, he had one foot in the concourse by the 30-minute mark, vanishing from his seat to likely get an early spot in the Joey’s Bar queue, where he’d gulp down half-time pints and leave a big sum of his winnings splashed across the Tech End toilets.
It was only a Tuesday, but he might as well party hard. This was an important victory against a promotion rival.
Besides, the weekend fixture coming up was little more than a formality: Just little old Dover at home…
Haunted by the ghost of Palmer’s pants
Fans were only talking about one thing going into Wrexham vs Dover Athletic: The new 1Password advert.
Instead of focusing on the opposition or speculating on the scoreline, supporters were largely distracted by the comedic antics of our chairman Ryan Reynolds - who managed to create the best cybersecurity commercial in existence by threatening to shove a red card up Pele’s arse.
After fans had finished sharing the clip in WhatsApp chats to the point where most of us could basically quote it verbatim, we finally started talking about Dover.
But what was there to say? Aside from a few self-confessed grumps warning it would be “typical bloody Wrexham” to lose to the division’s bottom side, it didn’t seem likely. The odds were overwhelmingly in our favour.
Dover - already relegated and at real risk of becoming the first team to (surely?) finish the season on negative points - turned up at The Racecourse with just one win and 22 fans.
Within 20 minutes they were 2-0 down.
Yep. It was all going as expected. Wrexham were strolling to victory in the sunshine without even getting out of second gear. But then something weird happened. It was as if the live game of football we were watching had morphed into a FIFA match, and the Dover controller had been snatched up by the esports champion of Kent. The semi-pro players became world-beaters and began ripping Wrexham’s defence inside-out, sending murmurs of discontent through the 8k crowd.
A glorious volley by Dover’s George Wilkinson earned a ripple of applause from all sides of the stadium, but when the away side equalised from a corner, the same fans who’d been politely clapping Dover just moments ago started angrily flicking the Vs.
Then, ridiculously, The Whites went ahead. Then, they got a fourth. Then a fifth.
Some red-faced fans flooded towards the exits. Others stood catching flies. With just 27 minutes left on the clock, and three goals down, there was seemingly no way back. But this Wrexham side just refuses to be beaten right now. Even on a really, really bad day.
The Billionaire Bulldozer barrelled one home then curled in another to make it 4-5, before a Coedy Assassin free-kick levelled the scores in injury time with nine minutes still to play (added on for some theatrical Dover time-wasting). When a late, late, late, late, late, late corner pinged off Jordan Davies’ head, the comeback was complete. It was 6-5. And it was history.
The winning goal sparked some truly memorable scenes that will be burned into the brains of Wrexham fans forever more: Shirts twirling around heads, Dover players crumbling to the floor, commentators squealing at a higher pitch than a mosquito alarm, Palmer inexplicably posing for a celebratory post-match picture in fruity underwear, and town pubs filled with song all night long.
As the greatest comeback of Wrexham’s modern era hit the sporting headlines, the Reds fans who’d left early at 2-5 seemed doomed to deal with a full weekend of maniacal crowd clips and reminders of what they’d missed. But mercifully for them, the actions of an ill-tempered Oscar winner quickly relegated Wrexham’s little miracle to the bottom of social media news feeds, with RR McReynolds’ revelries replaced by think-pieces and clickbait titles along the lines of “7 reasons why Will Smith hit Chris Rock - number 4 will SHOCK you!”.
The mania has cooled a little now, but any Reds who slinked out in the 63rd minute will still continue to be haunted - by the ghost of Ollie Palmer in his pants - for their decision. Still, they can at least cling to the glorious beauty of football in that another surprise is always waiting right around the corner.
Ideally, though, not on Saturday. A comfortable, boring 1-0 victory never sounded more appealing. Although with the team coming to town, there’s not much chance we’ll get that...
Who will ever win the football?
“Catch us if you can!”
“Look over your shoulder, lads!”
“Mind the gap, fellas”
“Can you hear us coming?”
Stockport and Wrexham fans have been bantering back and forth with one another for what feels like an eternity - each claiming they will be the ones who will ultimately take the National League crown in 2022.
The Quasi-Mancs come to Wales on Saturday and it can’t come soon enough. If only to settle this debate once and for all.
It’s no use looking at the most recent Stockport v Wrexham game for any clues as to who is better. So much has changed since September, and that contest at Edgeley Park feels like it was plucked from another season - with Pele’s little dink sending occupants of the sun-kissed away terrace crashing through the advertising boards before things turned sour in the second half.
Stockport fans hadn’t planned a trip to Wrexham until May, but the FA Trophy semi-final draw has dictated the sides will meet at The Racecourse much sooner than anticipated.
Mickey Mouse Cup or not, hundreds of Hatters will be packing out the away end for the lunch-time kick-off, having enjoyed a hearty breakfast of Robinsons ale and ready to take the bragging rights - proving beyond all doubt that the league table doesn’t lie.
If we’re being honest, though, this fixture will probably go no further to determining who is genuinely best.
The FA trophy invariably involves a significant number of switcharoos among the lineups, meaning both sides could swap out some of their stars and we won’t necessarily get a “true picture” of the fifth tier’s strongest team.
To quote that Mitchell & Webb sketch: “It will never be finally decided who has won the football”.
Alas, what we will know by mid-afternoon on Saturday is who will be going to Wembley. And one unbeaten run has to end.
Even if we hadn’t just emerged from the craziest match in recent history, this cup tie would still be impossible to call.
Does ‘Dodgy Dibble’ deserve another chance?
The life of a second choice goalkeeper is a peculiar one. But for as long as he’s been at Wrexham, it’s all Christian Dibble has known.
For four years, “Dibbs” has been a dignified deputy for Rob Lainton (playing second fiddle to Chris Dunn for a season before that) and everyone has been largely satisfied with the arrangement.
Lainton was almost ever-present in his first year as a Red in 2018/19, but since then he’s averaged 20-odd appearances per season, making 29 starts in 2021/22 before being carried off at Bromley.
We’ve accepted that at some stage during the year we’ll lose Lainton for a short to medium spell, and with Dibble waiting in the wings, it’s usually survivable.
However, it feels like this public mood is changing. Our flame-haired number two came in against Halifax last Tuesday and was fine, but endured a calamity against Dover; repeatedly caught out of position, flailing at crosses and even punching his own captain in the head.
Some fans say they’ve seen enough. Standards are higher this season and there’s an argument our backup boy isn’t up to the challenge. The Dibble Doubters’ stance has also been strengthened by the acquisition of Lee Camp - a Championship veteran and one of the most experienced professional goalkeepers in British football today.
According to The Transatlantic Translator Humphrey Ker, Camp was brought in “if, God forbid, something happened to Dibbs”. But now Parky has a decision to make.
Does he drop Dibble for the FA Trophy game and maybe bring him back in for Barnet? Does he sideline him until further notice? Or does he keep faith in his No. 2?
It’s a tricky one. Dibble was out of sorts to say the least on Saturday, but there are caveats. His defence - Tozer, Hayden and Cleworth - all suffered similar stinkers but survived the post-match inquiry whilst the jury remained out on the goalkeeper. Plenty have also pointed out that Dibble rushed into the changing rooms at full-time, apparently eager to get away. Fewer have mentioned that he ran the length of the field to join in with the sixth goal celebrations, whilst also taking time to sign autographs. Dibble is our longest serving player, and his commitment to the cause doesn’t seem to be the issue. He’ll know he needs to get better to keep his place.
After being tied with Dover at 2-2 at half-time, fans were saying “Parky will sort the players out” - a vote of confidence in the manager you simply wouldn’t have heard anywhere in Wrexham just a few short weeks ago. Parkinson is living proof that supporters can be won over with good performances. And as Ker aptly summarised, this is a big chance for Dibble “to write his name into the history books as an intrinsic part of a promotion side”.
Will he get another opportunity? Or is it already too late?
Great as usual….thanks.