Feeling like an idiot
Have you ever been invited to a party where an exhaustingly over-eager host heartily declares that everyone is going to play a game?
It’s always a bit of an intense moment. The host’s volume heightens, their eyes widen, and they let the name of the activity hang in the air for a second or two, hoping for a unanimous cheer in response.
Whether it’s a game based on cards, boards, or naughty questions, there’s always someone in the room who won’t know the rules or the context. And you always pray it isn’t you. If it is, tough luck: You’re going to feel awkward for the rest of the evening.
“Ah, you’ll pick it up as you go along - you’ll get it eventually,” the host informs you, as you sit silently with a dumb, polite smile pressed onto your face whilst the other guests feign patience for your lack of knowledge.
A similar sort of scenario seems to be playing out for the new supporters of Wrexham AFC right now.
Ever since match tickets became scarce, a frantic game of one-upmanship has commenced on the Reds World Wide Web - a contest which is playing out like a bewildering digital Royal Rumble where supporters repeatedly launch one another over the top rope by citing their attendance at a shitter game in shitter surroundings in a shitter situation.
I was at the game when we got beat 4-0 by Telford!
Yeah, well, I was at Dover away in the pouring rain with a broken leg and I had work in the morning.
That’s nothing! I walked 12 miles to the reserves match in 1993 and we had one player on the field and we lost 36-0.
Of course, adopted Wrexhamites haven’t really been able to take part in this game, and they have felt somewhat sheepish about the fact they can’t demonstrate the same sense of allegiance to the club as the rest of us due to their inability to present a ticket stub from a defeat in an obscure fixture during the dark days. These pieces of paper so often function as a rite of passage for any hardcore supporter.
Well, thanks to Stockport, they have one now.
There were some unfamiliar faces in attendance at Edgeley Park on Saturday afternoon, and whilst they won’t have enjoyed watching their new heroes being beaten up so badly on the field that the game could have been reported to Greater Manchester Police for GBH, they can at least now claim they’ve been there on a very bad day for Wrexham AFC and stuck by their team regardless.
The 5-0 at Stockport will go down as one of the worst aways we’ve had for a long, long time. New supporters: Welcome to the club.
From the moment County got their first, we could all see where this one was going. By half-time we were dead and buried, and only two people in the world still had faith we might be able to get a result: Rob McElhenney and Phil Parkinson.
Our chairman preached his favoured maxim with a post on Twitter aka X aka Musk Land - “Never, ever leave a Wrexham game early!” - and Parky refused to make any changes to his hapless starting XI despite the fact Sam Dalby, Tom O’Connor, James McClean, Will Boyle and Ben Tozer seemed to be having a competition between themselves as to who could put in the worst performance of 2023 in a red shirt.
Nothing changed at the break, and within five minutes of the restart, three had become four.
Somehow, it still took another quarter of an hour for our gaffer to decide that this combination and formation actually wasn’t working at all, and perhaps some of his subs deserved a try instead. But by then, he might as well have thrown on Bootlegger at centre-back. It wouldn’t have made a difference. We’d been battered.
True, we’ve only lost twice in 2023/24 so far. We were seven unbeaten before Stockport. But everything has felt a little bit tougher this year, hasn’t it? They say all that glitters is not gold, and indeed, we have learned in our two-and-a-half years gliding through Hollywood in a soft top convertible that being rich and famous still doesn’t keep the wind out of your hair or the bugs out of your eyes.
It ain’t perfect at Wrexham. First World Problems, yes, but there are problems nonetheless. The team definitely still needs some tweaking if we want to compete, and the ticket fight will only get uglier now that we’ve learned the builder for Kop 2.0 is still kipping in a hammock on the slag heap behind the goal waiting for the go-ahead to start work.
Saturday, in particular, was a real shitshow. But whether you’re a stalwart or a greenhorn, we’re all in it together. And the Nightmare at Edgeley Park will just feel like a bad dream if we get a good result in our next tie against a strong side.
This one is against Crewe - a club of trainspotters who play their fixtures in what looks like a seaside town without a beach. These contests were a bit of a derby once upon a time.
For those of you who didn’t know that, don’t worry. You’ll pick it up eventually.